How I sometimes miss the sweet innocence of childhood, when everything was so much easier — problems were easily solved, arguments lasted no more than a few minutes and no grudge was borne for longer than necessary. But we all grow up, or at least we think we do, and suddenly everything changes.

We start looking at each other and comparing ourselves to our friends and heaven forbid, if they have achieved something we longed for and never quite got, all the anger starts. We don’t think they may have worked hard to achieve what they did, but we bring excuses such as “I was unlucky” or “the teacher always liked them the best”, “s/he is my parents’ favourite” and so on. This is when we know that jealousy has kicked in, and soon this damning feeling turns love into anger, frustration and hatred.

Understanding jealousy

Jealousy is described by psychologists as an emotion experienced by a person when they are threatened to lose something that matters to them, whether it is a relationship with another person or status in society. It is described as one of the many forbidden feelings that is repressed in many people during childhood and is suddenly reawakened when they experience the dislike of a situation or another person.

Jealousy is a characteristic that is present within all human beings and it often gives people the strength to act, whether in a negative or a positive way. A mild, positive form of jealousy is acceptable and often necessary because it encourages us to excel. This form of jealousy is commonly encountered in competitions, either on a small scale in our own circle of friends or a larger scale in our school, college or university. This form of jealousy makes one feel the need to do whatever it takes, within reason, to achieve our goals.

Destructive effects

But jealousy can also have negative effects. Unfortunately we encounter this form on a daily basis, not just among our own friends, but also on a wider scale in the community. If this feeling is so strong that it spirals out of control it can have drastic consequences.

The classic example of this is the story of Prophet Adam’s (as) sons, Cain and Abel, where Cain (Qabeel) killed his own brother Abel (Habeel) because of the anger and frustration he felt as a result of jealousy — Qabeel disputed his father’s announcement that Habeel was to become his successor. To solve the dispute Prophet Adam (as) asked them both to give an offering (qurbani) in the sake of Allah (swt). The deserving successor was to be the one whose qurbani was accepted. As Habeel was a shepherd he gave the best of the firstborn of his flock, whereas Qabeel brought some dried up fruit and hence Habeel’s qurbani was accepted and he was to become prophet after his father. This made Qabeel very jealous and he acted in the most unthinkable manner against his own brother — he committed murder.

“And relate to them the story of the two sons of Adam with truth when they both offered an offering, but it was accepted from one of them and was not accepted from the other. He said: I will most certainly slay you. (The other) said: Allah only accepts from those who guard (against evil).” (Quran 5:27)

Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) has said: “Keep yourselves far from envy, because it eats up and takes away good actions, like the fire that eats up and burns wood.” This describes beautifully an ugly feeling. A jealous person cannot see the happiness or success of other people and this puts great pressure on his own heart and soul and leads to other feelings such as anger, bad-temperedness and misery.

This person is not only miserable but also makes the people around them feel unhappy. Such people are not liked and often have no friends or will lose the very few that they have, very quickly. They often look for a quick fix for their problems such as lying, deceiving or falsely accusing others.

The solution

So what can we do, if we ever feel this way? How can we control our feelings and protect ourselves from the whisperings of the Shaytan?  The answer is simple: we turn to the best source of knowledge and wisdom, the Prophet (pbuh) and his progeny (as). Here are just a couple of quotes that we could put into practice:

Imam Sadiq (as) said: “Envy originates from the blindness of the heart and the refusal of Allah’s blessings, which are the two factors of infidelity”. In this hadith the Imam (as) has shown us that gratefulness to Allah (swt) for all that he has given us and to be content with what we receive from Him are among the first steps to overcome jealousy and find happiness.

Contentment is one of the characteristics that make a person truly happy and to whom jealousy loses all meaning. In Nahjul Balaghah Imam Ali (as) has said: “If you cannot get things as much as you desire then be content with what you have.”

The reality is that none of us are here to live forever and sooner or later we will all die and have to face the consequence of our actions. If we put an average person’s life span in perspective, 70-80 years, we see that in fact it is very short, so why ruin this short time for ourselves and those around us? Life will continue whether we are here in this world or not. Therefore, if we humble ourselves, we will not experience as many undesirable feelings and lead a happier life.

———————————————————

References

Nahjul Balaghah, Sayings of Imam Ali (AS)

Youth and morals by Sayyid Mujtaba Musavi Lari

Psychology of Jealousy and Envy, P Salovey

Meeting the Shadow, C Zweig

Credits: Burning hearts image by Miola | BigStockphoto.com; Dolls photo by Sherse from Flickr.com;